I remember as a child in Europe gloating over a map of North America that had "Appalachian Mountains" boldly running from Alabama up to New Brunswick, so that the whole region they spanned -- Tennessee, the Virginias, Pennsylvania, New York, Vermont, New Hampshire and Maine, appeared to my imagination as a gigantic Switzerland or even Tibet, all mountain, glorious diamond peak upon peak, giant conifers, le montagnard émigré in his bear skin glory, and Felis tigris gold-smithi, and Red Indians under the catalpas. That it all boiled down to a measly suburban lawn and a smoking garbage incinerator, was appalling. Farewell, Appalachia! Leaving it, we crossed Ohio, the three states beginning with "I," and Nebraska -- ah, that first whiff of the West! We travelled very leisurely, having more than a week to reach Wace, Continental Divide, where she passionately desired to see the Ceremonial Dances marking the seasonal opening of Magic Cave, and at least three weeks to reach Elphinstone, gem of a western State where she yearned to climb Red Rock from which a mature screen star had recently jumped to her death after a drunken row with her gigolo.
我记得还是孩子时在欧洲,曾贪婪地望着北美洲的地图,“阿巴拉契亚山脉”从亚拉巴马直到新不伦瑞克连绵横亘,它跨越的整个地区——田纳西、弗吉尼亚各州、宾夕法尼亚、纽约、佛蒙特、新汉普郡和缅因,在我的想象中就仿佛一个巨大的瑞士甚或西藏,青峰玉叠卢巨松浩瀚,外来移居到此的山民,穿着光灿灿的熊皮,以及隐藏在乔木下的红番。现在看,那一切均已蒸发成很小的一片市郊草地和一座巨烟袅袅的垃圾焚化炉,甚是骇人。再见了,阿巴拉契亚!离开那儿,我们穿过了俄亥俄州,三个以字母“I”开头的州以及内布拉斯加——啊,西部的第一阵空气!我们的旅程很松闲,一个多星期才到达大陆分水岭瓦斯,她强烈要求一睹标志“魔洞”四季开放的礼舞;然后至少花了三个星期才到达埃尔苏期通,西部某州的一颗宝石,她又急切盼望爬那里的红礁。最近有一位红透了的电影名星酒醉和她男伴吵翻以后,就从那儿跳了下去。
Again we were welcomed to wary motels by means of inscriptions that read: "We wish you to feel at home while here. All equipment was carefully checked upon your arrival. Your license number is on record here. Use hot water sparingly. We reserve the right to eject without notice any objectionable person. Do not throw waste material of any kind in the toilet bowl. Thank you. Call again. The Management. P. S. We consider our guests the Finest People of the World."
我们又受到谨慎的汽车旅店凭一行题字的欢迎,诸如:“我们希望你们有宾至如归之感。为你的到来,所有设施皆已仔细检查过。执照号码已经登记在案。请节约使用热水。我们有权不作通知便逐出任何霸王客人。不要往马桶里投扔任何废物。谢谢。请多关照。经理再启:我们奉来此店的客人为世上最优秀之人。
In these frightening places we paid ten for twins, flies queued outside at the screenless door and successfully scrambled in, the ashes of our predecessors still lingered in the ashtrays, a woman's hair lay on the pillow, one heard one's neighbor hanging his coat in his closet, the hangers were ingeniously fixed to their bars by coils of wire so as to thwart theft, and, in crowning insult, the pictures above the twin beds were identical twins. I also noticed that commercial fashion was changing. There was a tendency for cabins to fuse and gradually form the caravansary, and, lo (she was not interested but the reader may be), a second story was added, and a lobby grew in, and cars were removed to a communal garage, and the motel reverted to the good old hotel.
住这些可怕的地方,双人房间我们要付十元,成群的苍蝇排列在没有纱帘的门外,然后争先恐后胜利地蜂涌进来。我们前任的烟灰仍苟留在烟灰缸里,枕头上有一根妇人的头发,还能听见隔壁人往壁橱里挂衣服的声响,那挂钩机巧地用一圈线钉在横木上以防偷窃,另外,最大的侮辱是,双人床上方的画也象挛生的一对。我还注意到昔日的商业时尚也有所改变。木星趋向合并,逐渐形成了大旅社,(她并不感兴趣,但读者也许会吧)还增加了第二层楼,阔出了一间休息厅,小汽车全都挪进了一家公共修车厂,汽车旅店恢复成完美的旧式旅店。
For instance: I would not swear that there was not at least one occasion, prior to, or at the very beginning of, the Midwest lap of our journey, when she managed to convey some information to, or otherwise get into contact with, a person or persons unknown. We had stopped at a gas station, under the sign of Pegasus, and she had slipped out of her seat and escaped to the rear of the premises while the raised hood, under which I had bent to watch the mechanic's manipulations, hid her for a moment from my sight. Being inclined to be lenient, I only shook my benign head though strictly speaking such visits were taboo, since I felt instinctively that toilets -- as also telephones -- happened to be, for reasons unfathomable, the points where my destiny was liable to catch.
比如:我不会起誓说在我们中西部旅途之前或开始时,她没有一次企图从一个或几个陌生人那儿得到些情报,或和他们进行什么联系。我们停在一家加油站,就在“珀伽索斯”的标志牌底下,她从座位上溜走,逃至车尾,我正弯身在翘起的引擎盖下面看着机械师的操作,有一阵,前盖挡住了她。我想以慈悲为怀,便只和蔼地摇摇头,尽管嘴上严厉她说这种种均是禁地,因为我明显感到那些厕所——还有电话——都有高深莫测的缘故的,都是我的命运有责任捕捉的关键点。
I now warn the reader not to mock me and my mental daze. It is easy for him and me to decipher now a past destiny; but a destiny in the making is, believe me, not one of those honest mystery stories where all you have to do is keep an eye on the clues. In my youth I once read a French detective tale where the clues were actually in italics; but that is not McFate's way -- even if one does learn to recognize certain obscure indications.
我现在提醒读者不要嘲笑我和我的神思恍惚。对于他和我,现在都容易理释过去的命运;但相信我,那正在酝酿中的命运却并非那种你只需紧盯线索的离奇神密的故事。我年轻时曾读过一本法国的探案故事,故事的线索实际都是用斜体字写的;但那不是麦克费特的方式——即使一个人确已学会发现晦涩暗示的本事。
We all have such fateful objects -- it may be a recurrent landscape in one case, a number in another -- carefully chosen by the gods to attract events of special significance for us: here shall John always stumble; there shall Jane's heart always break.
我们都有这种命定的目标——对于这件事可能是一片再现的风景,对另一件事可能是一个数字——是经上帝精心挑选以期引起我们对某些具有特殊重要意义的事件的注意:比如约翰总是结结巴巴;琼的心总象要碎了。
Well -- my car had been attended to, and I had moved it away from the pumps to let a pickup truck be serviced -- when the growing volume of her absence began to weigh upon me in the windy grayness. Not for the first time, and not for the last, had I stared in such dull discomfort of mind at those stationary trivialities that look almost surprised, like staring rustics, to find themselves in the stranded traveller's field of vision: that green garbage can, those very black, very whitewalled tires for sale, those bright cans of motor oil, that red icebox with assorted drinks, the four, five, seven discarded bottles within the incompleted crossword puzzle of their wooden cells, that bug patiently walking up the inside of the window of the office. Radio music was coming from its open door, and because the rhythm was not synchronized with the heave and flutter and other gestures of wind-animated vegetation, one had the impression of an old scenic film living its own life while piano or fiddle followed a line of music quite outside the shivering flower, the swaying branch. The sound of Charlotte's last sob incongruously vibrated through me as, with her dress fluttering athwart the rhythm, Lolita veered from a totally unexpected direction. She had found the toilet occupied and had crossed over to the sign of the Conche in the next block. They said there they were proud of their home-clean restrooms. These prepaid postcards, they said, had been provided for your comments. No postcards. No soap. Nothing. No comments.
好啦——我的小汽车已经弄妥,我已经将它移出气泵,让位给一辆起吊卡车充气——这时她越来越多的失踪开始在灰朦朦的风中压迫我,使我心情沉重。不是第一次,也不是最后一次,我神情烦燥不适,紧盯着加油站的细小琐事,这似乎让人吃惊,就象盯着乡下人,却发现自己处于无依无靠的旅行者的视线之内:那只绿色垃圾桶,那些非常黑、非常白等待出售的轮胎,那些漂亮的汽油箱,那只装有各色饮料的水盒,四、五、七个扔在象是未完成的字谜框的木制密室里的瓶子,还有那只小虫耐心地在办公室窗户的内壁上走着。收音机音乐从敞开的门里传出来,由于其节奏与风吹动蔬菜的起伏、摇摆以及其它举动并不同步,让人觉得这是一部老风光片中的景物在各行其事,而钢琴或小提琴完全依照乐谱,置颤动的鲜花、摇摆的树枝于不顾。正当洛丽塔的裙子也逆着节奏飘曳,她从一个完全意想不到的方向转了出来时,夏洛特最后一次抽泣声不协调地震颤在我的全身。她见这儿的厕所被人占了,便过了一条街到“海神”标牌那边去。他们说他们为自己干净如家的厕所颇感骄傲。他们还说,这些先付的明信片是为给你们批评准备的。没有肥皂。什么都没有。没有批评。
That day or the next, after a tedious drive through a land of food crops, we reached a pleasant little burg and put up at Chestnut Court -- nice cabins, damp green grounds, apple trees, an old swing -- and a tremendous sunset which the tired child ignored. She had wanted to go through Kasbeam because it was only thirty miles north from her home town but on the following morning I found her quite listless, with no desire to see again the sidewalk where she had played hopscotch some five years before. For obvious reasons I had rather dreaded that side trip, even though we had agreed not to make ourselves conspicuous in any way -- to remain in the car and not look up old friends. My relief at her abandoning the project was spoiled by the thought that had she felt I were totally against the nostalgic possibilities of Pisky, as I had been last year, she would not have given up so easily. On my mentioning this with a sigh, she sighed too and complained of being out of sorts. She wanted to remain in bed till teatime at least, with lots of magazines, and then if she felt better she suggested we just continue westward. I must say she was very sweet and languid, and craved for fresh fruits, and I decided to go and fetch her a toothsome picnic lunch in Kasbeam. Our cabin stood on the timbered crest of a hill, and from our window you could see the road winding down, and then running as straight as a hair parting between two rows of chestnut trees, towards the pretty town, which looked singularly distinct and toylike in the pure morning distance. One could make out an elf-like girl on an insect-like bicycle, and a dog, a bit too large proportionately, all as clear as those pilgrims and mules winding up wax-pale roads in old paintings with blue hills and red little people. I have the European urge to use my feet when a drive can be dispensed with, so I leisurely walked down, eventually meeting the cyclist -- a plain plump girl with pigtails, followed by a huge St. Bernard dog with orbits like pansies. In Kasbeam a very old barber gave me a very mediocre haircut: he babbled of a baseball-playing son of his, and, at every explodent, spat into my neck, and every now and then wiped his glasses on my sheet-wrap, or interrupted his tremulous scissor work to produce faded newspaper clippings, and so inattentive was I that it came as a shock to realize as he pointed to an easeled photograph among the ancient gray lotions, that the mustached young ball player had been dead for the last thirty years.
那天或许是第二天,我们穿过一片庄稼地,旅程长得令人心烦,后来到了一个友爱的小城镇,就留宿在“栗树园”里——舒适的木屋,湿施德的绿地,苹果树、一架老式秋千——还有一片广阔的夕阳,但那疲惫不堪的孩子根本顾不上了。她要求经过卡斯比姆,因为那儿离她家乡只三十英里;以后的几个早晨,我发现她无精打采,再也不愿去看看约五年前她曾玩过跳房子的人行道。我非常害怕那条侧路,原因很明显;虽说我们已达成协议不以任何方式使自己太招人眼目——只呆在汽车里,不去拜访老朋友。她放弃此计划给我的宽慰又被一个念头破坏了:倘若她已觉出我是完全抵制对皮斯基的怀乡症,就象我去年那样,她就不会如此轻易地放弃了。我呼口气,挑明了这一点,她也叹口气,抱怨说不舒服。她想呆在床上,至少呆到下中吃茶点的时候,周围还有一大堆杂志。过后她感觉好点儿,就建议我仍继续西行。我应该说她很温和,又娇弱无力,极想吃些新鲜水果,我就决定去卡期比姆给她买一盒可口美味的野餐午饭。我们的小屋座落在林木茂密的一座小山上,从窗户可以看见乡路绵延直下,穿过整齐的栗树,延伸到美丽的城镇时又岔开象分叉的发丝。在纯净的清晨,那城镇看上去是那般清晰如同小玩具一样。还能看清一个象像侏儒一样的女孩儿骑在一辆甲虫一样的自行车上,一条狗,以比例而言略显过大;同样清楚的是那些朝山进香客和骡子,蜡白的道路和蓝色的山、红色的小人。我有种欧洲人的嗜好,能不用车时就愿意安步当车,因此我轻闲地走下来,结果就碰上了那位骑车姑娘——一个平谈丰满的女孩,梳着辫子,身后跟着一条圣伯纳德大狗,它的眼眶象三色紫罗兰。在卡斯皮姆,一位上了年纪的理发师给我理了个马虎的头:他唠唠叨叨地说起他玩棒球的儿子,每遇一个爆发音,唾沫就喷在我的脖子上,隔一会就用我的大围巾擦擦他的眼镜,或停下他颤颤巍巍的剪刀,去剪什么褪了色的报纸,于是我无法专心了。忽又发现他正指着书架上一堆陈年老酒中的一张照片,这让我大吃一惊,那位健壮的年轻捧球手已经死了三十年。
The girl I had seen on my way to town was now loaded with linen and engaged in helping a misshapen man whose big head and coarse features reminded me of the "Bertoldo' character in low Italian comedy. They were cleaning the cabins of which there was a dozen or so on Chestnut Crest, all pleasantly spaced amid the copious verdure. It was noon, and most of them, with a final bang of their screen doors, had already got rid of their occupants. A very elderly, almost mummy-like couple in a very new model were in the act of creeping out of one of the contiguous garages; from another a red hood protruded in somewhat cod-piece fashion; and nearer to our cabin, a strong and handsome young man with a shock of black hair and blue eyes was putting a portable refrigerator into a station wagon. For some reason he gave me a sheepish grin as I passed. On the grass expanse opposite, in the many-limbed shade of luxuriant trees, the familiar St. Bernard dog was guarding his mistress' bicycle, and nearby a young woman, far gone in the family way, had seated a rapt baby on a swing and was rocking it gently, while a jealous boy of two or three was making a nuisance of himself by trying to push or pull the swing board; he finally succeeded in getting himself knocked down by it, and bawled loudly as he lay supine on the grass while his mother continued to smile gently at neither of her present children. I recall so clearly these minutiae probably because I was to check my impressions so thoroughly only a few minutes later; and besides, something in me had been on guard ever since that awful night in Beardsley. I now refused to be diverted by the feeling of well-being that my walk had engendered -- by the young summer breeze that enveloped the nape of my neck, the giving crunch of the damp gravel, the juicy tidbit I had sucked out at last from a hollow tooth, and even the comfortable weight of my provisions which the general condition of my heart should not have allowed me to carry; but even that miserable pump of mine seemed to be working sweetly, and I felt adolori d'amoureuse langueur, to quote dear old Ronsard, as I reached the cottage where I had left my Dolores.
我在进城的路上看见的女孩现在背着亚麻布正在帮助一位畸形人,他硕大的头和粗短的身体使我想起了意大利低级喜剧中的“贝托尔多”。他们正打扫着小屋,小屋有大约十二座“栗树冠”,怡人地分隔在葱绿密树中。正是午时,大多数小屋伴随着纱门的最后一声呼响,全都摆脱了它们的占居者。一对非常老,几乎象木乃伊一样的老夫妻,穿一身款式非常新颖的衣服,正在从邻近的一间汽车篷里往外爬:而另一间有一片红色的汽车盖象一块鳕鱼凸了出来;离我们小屋更近的地方,一位健壮的黑发、蓝眼美男子正往旅行车上装一台袖珍冰箱。我经过时,他象绵羊一样意味深长地朝我咧嘴笑笑。在对面那片开阔草地上,在枝叶茂密的浓郁树荫中,那条老相识圣伯纳德狗正守护着女主人的自行车,近旁一位年轻的妇人,母性融融的神态,把一个心荡神驰的婴儿放在一架秋千上,轻轻地摇着,一个两三岁面露嫉妒的男孩正枉自无聊地把秋千的横木推来推去;最后他终于成功地撞倒了自己,四仰八叉地躺在草地上大叫大闹,但他的妈妈却继续温和地笑着,对在场的哪个孩子都看也不看。我之所以能非常清楚地想起了这些细节,可能因为仅在几分钟以后,我就又审视了这些印象;除此之外,我的内心自从比尔兹利那可怕的夜晚以后就时时戒备森严。散步时酝酿起的良好感觉,我不愿它转变——却还是被初夏缠绕我裸露的脖颈的微风转变了;被潮湿的碎石传出的嘎扎扎响声、我从假牙里曝出来的一小块多汁食物、甚至我买的食物舒适的份量(我心脏的一般能力是不允许我提这么重的)转变。不过即使我悲哀的心仿佛在甜美地跳动着,引用老龙萨的话说,当我到达我留下我的多洛雷斯的小屋时,我还是感觉到了爱情的忧郁。
I had a cup of hot flavorless coffee, bought a bunch of bananas for my monkey, and spent another ten minutes or so in a delicatessen store. At least an hour and a half must have elapsed when this homeward-bound little pilgrim appeared on the winding road leading to Chestnut Castle.
我喝了一杯无味的咖啡,经我的猴子买了一捆香蕉,又花了大约十分钟逛了熟菜店。至少过去了一个半小时,这个决意归家的清教徒又出现在通向“栗树城堡”的弯路上。
To my surprise I found her dressed. She was sitting on the edge of the bed in slacks and T-shirt, and was looking at me as if she could not quite place me. The frank soft shape of her small breasts was brought out rather than blurred by the limpness of her thin shirt, and this frankness irritated me. She had not washed; yet her mouth was freshly though smudgily painted, and her broad teeth glistened like wine-tinged ivory, or pinkish poker chips. And there she sat, hands clasped in her lap, and dreamily brimmed with a diabolical glow that had no relation to me whatever.
让我大吃一掠的是,她已起来了,穿着宽松裤和T恤衫坐在床边,望着我,好象无法安置我。她的小乳房坦率、柔软的形状在她薄而软的衬衣下突现出来而不再模溯,这种直露激怒了我。她还没梳洗;但她的嘴尽管涂得脏乎乎,还是清爽得很;她的两排牙齿象酒浸过的象牙或一片粉色的水晶闪着熠熠的光。她坐在那儿,两只手合放在膝上,象做梦一样满面洋溢着残酷的红晕,那无论如何和我是没关系的。
She became aware of the bananas and uncoiled herself table-ward.
她注意到了香蕉,就朝桌子方向扭去,以解脱自己。
What special suspicion could I have? None indeed -- but those muddy, moony eyes of hers, that singular warmth emanating from her! I said nothing. I looked at the road meandering so distinctly within the frame of the window… Anybody wishing to betray my trust would have found it a splendid lookout. With rising appetite, Lo applied herself to the fruit. All at once I remembered the ingratiating grin of the Johnny nextdoor. I stepped out quickly. All cars had disappeared except his station wagon; his pregnant young wife was now getting into it with her baby and the other, more or less cancelled, child.
我能有什么特别的怀疑呢?确实一丝没有——但这些泥巴,她恍惚的眼神,她身上散发出的那种独特的温馨呢!我什么也没说。我朝公路望去,公路那么清晰地在窗框里蜿蜒而行……任何想背叛我的信任的人都会发现那是个绝妙的远景。洛胃口大开,专心致力于她的水果。突然间我想起了邻屋那家伙讨好的嘻笑。我飞速冲出去。所有的小汽车都消失了,除了他的旅行车;他怀孕的妻子正抱着婴儿和另一个本不太想要的孩子上车呢。
I plumped down my heavy paper bag and stood staring at the bare ankles of her sandaled feet, then at her silly face, then again at her sinful feet. "You've been out," I said (the sandals were filthy with gravel).
我扑通一声丢下手中沉重的纸口袋,呆呆地站住,盯着她穿着凉鞋赤裸的脚腕,然后望望她惊呆了的险,然后又望着她罪孽的脚。“你出去了,”我说(凉鞋上满是沙子)。
"I just got up," she replied, and added upon intercepting my downward glance: "Went out for a sec. Wanted to see if you were coming back."
“我刚起来,”她回答,截住我下垂的眼神,补充道:“出去了一秒钟。想看看你回来了没有。
I said nothing. I pushed her softness back into the room and went in after her. I ripped her shirt off. I unzipped the rest of her. I tore off her sandals. Wildly, I pursued the shadow of her infidelity; but the scent I travelled upon was so slight as to be practically undistinguishable from a madman's fancy.
我什么也没说。我将她柔软的后背推进屋内。我剥下她的衬衣,将其余的衣服统统脱光,我拽掉她的凉鞋。我疯狂地搜寻她不贞的影子;但我探询到的气味却是那么纤弱,实际上很难同一个疯子的幻想加以分辨。
"What's the matter, where are you going?" cried Lo from the porch.
“怎么啦,你到哪儿去?”洛在走廓上喊着。